14 Feb 2011
The light at the end of the tunnel
I am sitting here in front of my computer and I think I know. I lack balance. The beautiful harmony between body and mind. This is why I feel the way I feel, this is why I am impatient and unable to focus.
Most of the times I am physically in one place, but my mind is wandering around in a completely different reality. I feel that I am obliged to live here, in this way and I just hate it. That's why I just find refugee in my mind. I am constantly daydreaming. Each time I realize that I am still here, I get so PISSED!I want things to happen and I want them now. I know that I do no have so much time to wait, but still...
My Insanity workout is going very well, I have just missed 1 day since I started it again. My trainings are more intense, I can literally feel that I am controlling my body. Each day, a little bit better. I do not stop so often anymore and my body just wants to push it. More and more.
I got a little bit disappointed by my IELTS scores today. My listening skills are not very good. And I can honestly say that the test format is quite odd and confusing. There are a lot of rules that must be obeyed and probably tonight, I just couldn't find the capacity of focusing. So... my scores were absurdly low.
At this exact moment I feel tired and disappointed. But I know the remedy. A good night sleep that will make me redefine my perspective. Tomorrow I'll be smarter. And better! :)
13 Feb 2011
9 Feb 2011
Confession
Greetings! My name is Charlie and I am the biggest PROCRASTINATOR you have ever met. The best LIAR, the greatest CHEATER, basically THE person who wants to do a lot of things, but NEVER actually does anything right. It is very weird to start my confession with the conclusion, but I feel that this is the best way to do it. I must accept who I am, imagine who I can become and work hard for it. It's been in my head all the time... I have never made it public though. It always seemed too scary. But I am not afraid anymore.
ME - A very curios and open minded person. Someone once compared me with a "sponge". My need of always learning new things is one of the benefits of being me. Continuous learning can only lead to self improvement. This is my theory. The more you know, the better you can become. I understand that I possess the traits I need in order to succeed in whatever I set my mind to. I used to do it very often in the past. My power of focusing on goals until I achieved them was amazing. It's a pity I have never appreciated this aspect of my personality. But I definitely need to get this back now.
I have to go back to being ME. The old me. The hard working one. The ME that was AMBITIOUS, PERSEVERING... The one that NEVER gave up... No matter what. I kept on fighting and fighting, as if my life depended on it.
And now... I am Charlie. The PROCRASTINATOR... The LIAR... The CHEATER. Everything I never wanted to become. Life is strange, isn't it?
Today my fight starts. My attempt to go back to being ME. The good me. The capable me. The one that can make massive changes. The one that creates and recreates herself over and over again. I can be whoever I want to be. I just need to find my balance.
I am setting my goals right now. 2 goals. Piece of cake... if I keep my attention on it.
1. The International English Language Testing System - better known as IELTS. This is the most important exam that I need. I have enrolled to take this exam on the 19th of March 2011. Today is the 9th of February 2011, meaning that my preparation has to take place in exactly 36 days. 4 modules: Listening, Speaking, Reading and Writing. Academic level. HUGE challenge! Massive loss if I fail. Intense mental pressure. 1st goal! 10.02.2011 - First day of preparation.
2. Insanity - this is the fitness program that I started last year. I have managed to follow it for a month. It had amazing results! And... I stopped. Reasons don't matter. I was a coward that didn't love herself as much as she should have. It affected my body, my diet, my mood. I am 63 now, unhappy about it and out of shape. In the last month, I tried to start the program again, but I NEVER even finished the 1st week of training. COWARD! COWARD! COWARD! My mood is highly affected by the unhealthy lifestyle I have. The diet is a disaster, my will is almost nonexistent and I think that I will never be able to be okay.
These are my goals. This is my plan.
Write down everything I've done daily in order to achieve my 2 goals. ANYTHING that puts me closer to the expected results. I'm coming out of the closet! I'm afraid... but this is the only way I can achieve what I want. Put everything in front of you, people... Make it public! And just MAYBE I will cure myself from this person I have become and go back to being me.
Fingers crossed! And wish me heaps of luck. I definitely need it.
ME - A very curios and open minded person. Someone once compared me with a "sponge". My need of always learning new things is one of the benefits of being me. Continuous learning can only lead to self improvement. This is my theory. The more you know, the better you can become. I understand that I possess the traits I need in order to succeed in whatever I set my mind to. I used to do it very often in the past. My power of focusing on goals until I achieved them was amazing. It's a pity I have never appreciated this aspect of my personality. But I definitely need to get this back now.
I have to go back to being ME. The old me. The hard working one. The ME that was AMBITIOUS, PERSEVERING... The one that NEVER gave up... No matter what. I kept on fighting and fighting, as if my life depended on it.
And now... I am Charlie. The PROCRASTINATOR... The LIAR... The CHEATER. Everything I never wanted to become. Life is strange, isn't it?
Today my fight starts. My attempt to go back to being ME. The good me. The capable me. The one that can make massive changes. The one that creates and recreates herself over and over again. I can be whoever I want to be. I just need to find my balance.
I am setting my goals right now. 2 goals. Piece of cake... if I keep my attention on it.
1. The International English Language Testing System - better known as IELTS. This is the most important exam that I need. I have enrolled to take this exam on the 19th of March 2011. Today is the 9th of February 2011, meaning that my preparation has to take place in exactly 36 days. 4 modules: Listening, Speaking, Reading and Writing. Academic level. HUGE challenge! Massive loss if I fail. Intense mental pressure. 1st goal! 10.02.2011 - First day of preparation.
2. Insanity - this is the fitness program that I started last year. I have managed to follow it for a month. It had amazing results! And... I stopped. Reasons don't matter. I was a coward that didn't love herself as much as she should have. It affected my body, my diet, my mood. I am 63 now, unhappy about it and out of shape. In the last month, I tried to start the program again, but I NEVER even finished the 1st week of training. COWARD! COWARD! COWARD! My mood is highly affected by the unhealthy lifestyle I have. The diet is a disaster, my will is almost nonexistent and I think that I will never be able to be okay.
These are my goals. This is my plan.
Write down everything I've done daily in order to achieve my 2 goals. ANYTHING that puts me closer to the expected results. I'm coming out of the closet! I'm afraid... but this is the only way I can achieve what I want. Put everything in front of you, people... Make it public! And just MAYBE I will cure myself from this person I have become and go back to being me.
Fingers crossed! And wish me heaps of luck. I definitely need it.
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